Some Things About My Tinker

Just some little things that probably seem like nothing to most people. Tink is soon to be 17 and she has been counting down to her birthday for, gosh, over two months now. We had been wondering if she could keep more than one countdown at a time; earlier this year we found out she could, at least she could do a long and short count. A short count is under a week, a long count is, obviously, longer. We found out just this last month she can keep two long counts as we approached Halloween and she had her birthday countdown. So that is pretty cool. I wonder how many counts she can keep.

Today there was something that stood out that really put me to writing this. She has had a DVD, for quite a few years, of "An American Tail." If you don't know the movie it doesn't matter, it is an animated kids movie. There is an "Extra" on the DVD that is a counting game that is about the level of a 5 - 6 year old. A bunch of coins drop that are different colors and have different symbols on them and then it asks for  "How many  ______?" and list the numbers 1 - 10, or something, and the kid has to choose the right amount to move on. Tink always did great with the first two levels, well, once we actually got her to listen to what was being asked for, but the third level asked for combinations; instead of "How many hearts?" or, "How many blue ones?" it would be "How many blue hearts?" Tink was not real keen on the combo questions. Today she is wearing a Halloween t-shirt with a big owl on it along with a few ghosts and a handful of bats. I asked her what was on her shirt, she told me "owl." I asked her what "that" was as I pointed to a ghost and she said "ghost." I asked her how many ghosts and she counted them for me, (there are three). Then I asked about the bats; she told me what they were and I asked how many and she told me six, there are six. I then asked how many black bats and she counted them and said four. I am standing ther just amazed but don't want to get too excited and freak her out. I asked "How many orange bats?" And she counted the two orange ones. Pretty durn good for a kid diagnosed as so low functioning we were never supposed to be able to potty train her.

And not to be indelicate, but she is able to handle her monthly period herself with the use of adult diapers instead of pads or tampons; and she does not potty in the diapers, they are for her period and she knows it.

I mentioned a couple weeks ago that our internet went out for for a little bit and how Tink did. The day after I wrote that our power was knocked out. The power Co. said someone knocked a tree down on the line. It was out for a few hours. That was not as easy for her as just the internet, there was no movies she could play or anything. Ron pulled out an old Littlest Pet Shop game that hasn't seen the light of day in eight years and three of us played, Morg was too busy being a teen. It took one game for us to remember how to play, a second game went pretty weel, and you have to understand the whole time Tink is playing she is angry and crying. Towards the end of the second game every time she moves her piece she kind of grinds it into the space it landed on. By the third game she is in quite a state and between her turns is running into the other room and throwing herself on the floor, amongst other things. About halfway through this third game the power comes back on. Tink starts crying differently and saying, "I missed you" and "I love You" and started hugging me. It wasn't me she was talking to though, it was electricity that she loves and missed. That is okay, she tells me she loves me all the time. Okay, so the power is back on and she runs around the house turning on all the TVs and setting up the movies, and gets her computer up and running --- then she sits back down to finish the game, happy as could be. Ron and I were both surprised to no end; we didn't expect her back to finish the game.

She has been getting very good at answering yes or no, or similar, questions without being prompted for an answer. That is good because now we are sure if it is one or the other and not that she is just repeating the last word we say: "yes or no?" "no," or "no or yes" "yes." Aside from being much easier on us it shows a new level of understanding for her.

She knows the days of the week, maybe by name, maybe not, I used to make her say them but haven't in a while, but she gets dressed herself on every Sunday, Tuesday, and Thursday now. That means she is going to town for french fries in her head. I am not sure why she got the Tuesday and Sunday but I do know where Thursday came from. On any other day she chooses "home" over "town." if asked, she will get dressed to go to town on an off day if she has to.

She can also find November, her birth month on a calendar.

She absolutly will not allow me to sing, hum, dance, or anything of the like, nor will she tolerate whistling; I think the whistling hurts her ears but that doesn't account for the other stuff, not that I am the only one she doesn't want to sing.

Children are raised, and disciplined, very different now than they used to be. I was sort of in the mid-transition period, now we are sort of in the latter-transition period. Right now even yelling at a child is easily construed as abuse. When Tink goes into a full-blown meltdown -- otherwise unreachable -- If I get into her face and yell her name, she will focus on me and I have a chance, right then, to reach her. I have shocked many a person, even Ron initially because of the force of my voice, to the point of where I could see in their faces that it might be abuse. But if I can catch it, her attention for a split second, I can then talk to her and start calming her. If a good meaning person who is so sure I am doing the wrong thing interferes, and it has happened, the chance is lost. And it is usually the person tells me a child tunes out yelling but will listen to a whisper. Yeah, she can't hear the flippin' whisper while she is in meltdown. I am not totally against spanking, obviously there is an "age out" time and Tink doesn't fit anymore but that isn't why I brought this up. Before we left Colorado, Ron had some appt. in a hospital, Tink was right around 3 years, Morg was under 6 months. Ron was in with the doc, or tech, or whoever, and Tink was starting to stress. She laid down on the floor and started making swimming motions. I thought that was very cool and resourceful of her to come up with such a mild stress release compared to some of the other things she had done or could do. Two elderly women were sitting in the chairs that backed the ones I was in with tiny Morg, unaware that I was the mother of the girl swimming on the floor. One said to the other something about how a good spanking would make that child behave more appropriately in public. I turned my head and politely asked the woman, me with a new babe in arms, if she was spanked as a child. She proudly stated she was. I told her, "In that case, it doesn't work, because what you just said was one of the most inappropriate things I had ever heard." I did take a moment to tell her about Tink being autistic and how people always seem to know how to raise other people's children. Then, speaking about fears of false abuse reports, just a few minutes later, Ron comes back and we have to walk a little ways to a different area of the hospital, Tink walking with us easily until she realizes we are not leaving yet, she stops in the hall, people all around us. I have Morg in my arms and gently give a directional push to Tink's shoulder--she would not hold hands at that time, and calling on every scrap of theatrics she had, and it was a good amount, she threw herself into the air and onto the ground 4 foot away from where she had been, slowly picks her head up and turns it to look at me with a confused and scared expression. As I said, the hallway had many people and I am now standing there looking very much like I just threw my child, forcibly, to the ground.  I heaved a big sigh, stuck my hand down to help her up and calmly asked her not to do that anymore as people do not realize that she is pretending. It worked, for both her (for that visit) and the people in the hospital.

I am not sure she would technically qualify as autistic anymore. If the diagnosis is anything like it was when she was first diagnosed, four things from three separate categories of symptoms, she might not. She would still be what is commonly called PDD-NOS, which is pervasive developmental disorder - not otherwise specified, and is an "almost autism;" three things from three categories or seven things from only two categories instead of the four from three. She is mid-functioning, instead of the low-functioning she was initially diagnosed; still a long ways from self-responsible but not as hard for a care-taker. Aside from food issues, understanding the spoken word has always been Tink's biggest problem. That is getting better and in a way almost contrary to what "studies" say about learning languages. It is almost like her language learning is in slow motion and given another 50 years, or so, she might have the spoken language skills of a 10 year old. Thank goodness other things go quicker. The kid is far from stupid. And her "acting" is not autistic in nature. Repeating lines from movies, over and over, is very autistic; to understand the interplay of acting is not; she has always done her acting.

I used to read to her all the time. I can't remember when, specifically, she decided I was not going to do that anymore but she was quite adamant about it. Years went by and we would occasionally try to read to her to no avail. Then, one time, she let Ron read to her to get her ready for bed, he kept it up. Then he kind of needed a break so I tried, nope, had to be dad. So for a bout 3 1/2  to 4 years Ron has read a story to her, first time he really could not, I don't recall why, she got mad and would not let me. The next time she put up with me doing it, now if he can’t I have to (I have no problem with it) but if he can, I cannot.

And she handled Ron being gone okay but she is glad he is back. He didn't get to see Lake Erie but he did get to add two more states, Indiana and Ohio. I have travelled more in one year, more than once, than he has in his life. I wonder sometimes if we should have opted for the RV life instead of homestead life; it was an option at the time.