Been too Long Since I wrote Blog

I guess it has been a while since I have written; I was aiming for posts a little closer than the last one to this one but I guess I am not too far past my goal. So, what has been going on?

I got new glasses but they are not right and I need to go back. I tend to have problems with going anywhere anymore so I'll have to work that out. The optometrist is only there on Tuesdays and Thursdays and my body doesn't always agree, not to mention that this last Tuesday was Christmas and even if I felt like going, it wouldn't have helped. When I went in for the eye check-up my inter-ocular pressure was at 29 39 in both eyes. That is high, about twice as high as it is supposed to be. The doc didn't think I was taking it seriously because I probably sounded a little focused on the fact it was the same in both eyes, which seems a little odd to me. Yeah, I do understand my sight is/was in eminent danger based on those readings. Heck, one time they measured at 39 29 in one and I think it was 32 in the other. That doc was having a conniption fit because I was not prepared to just start putting drops in my eyes that I knew nothing about that very day.  Still haven't used the drops even though I do know a little more about them, I still have questions that have not been asked or answered because it never came up again until now. That very high reading was somewhere around 8 years ago, in the autumn--oddly, the autumn part figures heavily in this. Because I was not ready to just start medication without researching it, he insisted I go to an ophthalmologist at least and have my eyes checked again and preferably start on the eye drops. He even found a guy that would  do it mostly pro bono. But every time my pressures were checked by him, three times, once every three months, my pressure was fine. I had my eyes checked for glasses a few more times before this last one, each time it was spring, summer, or winter. Never a problem. Okay, so here comes late autumn and a new eye check, pressures were way high, not at doc throwing a conniption but he was a bit scared nonetheless. He is a bit younger so chances are it was the highest he has ever seen. So he wants me to go to a ophthalmologist, all the way in Springfield. I should go but can't afford it. They sent a referral and the place was supposed to call. The place called because they got a fax and the only legible thing on it was part of my name and my phone number. I told them who sent the fax to them so they could get more info and I have not heard anything back and it has been a couple weeks now. It sounds like they are less concerned than I am.  I am worried, a little. The thing is, it only seems to happen in the autumn, I know the feeling of the eye pressure being high--I didn't realize that is what it was until this last check but it came clear then. I have been having this since I was a little kid, and even complained about my eyes hurting. Not only did no one (mostly meaning medical pros) really seem to pay attention, I was told the eye does not actually feel pain. All I could think of when I heard that is, "I am being lied to."  If one looks up glaucoma, one will find that eye pain is one of the symptoms of high inter-ocular pressure. No wonder I have a distrust of the medical profession. Yeah, that shot won't hurt either, right. It really ticks me off when they lie to my kids too. After they say it won't hurt, I tell them it will. I tell them it will hurt but only a little, that they have had much worse and it will last only a very short time and they can deal with it. THAT is the truth, not that it won't hurt, that is a flippin' lie. Anyway, back the eye pressure. Okay, so the high pressure damages the optic nerve and will kill peripheral vision. Very high pressure can blind one in an evening. If one sees what they call "halos' then one should get to the ER. No one has been very clear on what they mean by "halos" and I see them around all lights at nighttime; but my halos and their halos didn't seem to be the same halos. I think I might have just recently figured out  what they are talking about--I wouldn't call them halos but…it was more like staring at the afterimages of staring at the Las Vegas strip or a carnival midway lights in the dark. You know, stare at the mass of lights them close your eyes and you still sort of see them but they are different colors and act a tad different. And this happens when my eyes are open or closed at times--only in the autumn though that I can recall. So I have had this problem for many years. So far, there is no visible damage to my optic nerve, according to both docs that got the high reading and the specialist that was checking my eyes seven or eight years ago. I have exceptional peripheral vision, it might even be better than my straight on vision but then true focus is not required in peripheral vision. If I stick my thumb in my ear I can see my pinkie when I am looking straight ahead. And that stupid little talent is as strong as ever while my center vision is getting horrid. Gee, could I be medically atypical and the pressure is affecting center vision instead of peripheral? I am not sure if that is possible in glaucoma but if it is, I bet  that is what is happening to me. If not, then I am still medically atypical in the fact that I still have vision by the way these docs are acting. It really irks me that things I want monitored they want to act on and the things I have real issues with (intestinal) I am getting blown off about but that is what is affecting my life in the most negative way. I learned some management techniques for my eyes long ago when I was being blown off on them. I know I need to watch the pressure, the situation could well be getting worse but by golly I am really, really tired of being afraid to eat.

Christmas went well. My youngest wanted a guitar but also knew how much they cost.  Her aunt got her one. I am a nasty mom sometimes. Rather than put it under the tree, I printed out a picture of one and put it in a small box, wrapped it up and stuck it deep under the tree to be one of the last to be opened. She was so great about the fact that the one thing she wanted most was not there. She was happy with the things she got. When she opened the little box and looked at the picture she was a  little confused but when I came walking out of the bedroom carrying her new guitar she almost cried.

I was going to write a little about the elder child too but this is long already and it will take a bit. Hopefully in the next couple days.